Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Key West police called to rescue woman stuck in tree

Honestly,

you'd think a LOCAL woman would know how to extract herself from a banyan tree--it's like Key West Education 101.

lvbanyan12n.jpg (750×514)




ttp://www.local10.com/news/weird-news/key-west-police-called-to-rescue-woman-stuck-in-tree
https://www.facebook.com/106027526095494/photos/a.106045789427001.8540.106027526095494/1160419253989644/?type=3&theater

FBI arrests Key West bank robbery suspect, stick-up was in January

After five months of a high speed chase--the FBI nabbed him.

This is the guy who robbed a bank and got away on his BICYCLE. 

bike_chase-t2.jpg (510×330)





http://www.keysnet.com/2016/05/06/508267/fbi-identify-key-west-bank-robbery.html
https://www.google.com/search?q=images+of+bicycle+chase&safe=off&rlz=1CAACAG_enUS674US675&espv=2&biw=1366&bih=677&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjW0IzBl9LMAhVFxoMKHeNWD40Q7AkIMA#imgrc=PQ2Zf7LeJO0zQM%3A

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Nabbed another BAD FISH PERP

Whew.
Glad we got this BAD dude.

 He was charged with SEVEN misdemeanor counts:
- possession of 15 over-the-limit hogfish (that is really over-the-top)
- possession of 6 undersized hogfish (show some compassion)
- possession of 2 undersized red grouper (sick bastard)
- possession of 2 out-of-season red grouper (too busy to check the calendar?)
- possession of 2 over-the-limit red grouper (make it stop)
- possession of 1 wrung lobster tail on the water (can't wait to wring the tail OUT of the water? what an ass.)
- interference with FWC officer (rude)

The bail was $8000. 
 Shouldn't it be more?
 Heck the guy who shot another guy got out on $50,000 bail.
 Time to PRIORITIZE.





http://www.thehulltruth.com/florida-georgia/753041-hogfish-poacher-nabbed.html#b
http://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/5199448/6/stock-illustration-5199448-scared-fish-.jpg

Man with Half a Beard Arrested in Florida


I don't think that this should be a crime-- sure it looks terrible--but is it arrest worthy? I think not.


http://www.cbsnews.com/news/kevin-gibson-man-with-half-of-a-beard-arrested-in-florida/

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

How to prevent crime in the Keys

I don't know if this is how crime prevention is done elsewhere...

... but in the Keys if someone's dog is consistently crapping on your yard AFTER you put up very cute and nice reminders for them to pick up after their dog--then it is OK to put this on your yard:


Can anyone possibly guess who might have constructed these crime prevention posters?


Wednesday, March 23, 2016

"Cops use tattoos to identify wanted man"

I love this news article.  
It points out two very important life lessons:

1. Do not tattoo "several distinctive clown tattoos" on your arm if you are wanted for violation of parole on robbery charges in Pennsylvania.  OK--maybe in the chilly northern US you could get away with it in February--but not in the Keys. It's hot here criminals! You'll be in your sleeveless undershirt (or shirtless more likely, yuck). The police will see your identifying creepy clown tattoos and identify you. 
2. When cornered by the police--do not jump in the water.  Where are you going with that action? Cuba? You're not Diana Nyad.  

Examples of clown tattoos you should NOT put on your arm...if you want to remain "at large".

screen_shot_2013-10-04_at_2.30.24_pm.png (500×547)89c48d3a39e7d89239e0c6831915d93e.jpg (480×640)Creepy-Evil-Clown-tattoo-on-Shoulder.jpg (293×500)

 You get the idea.



http://keysnews.com/node/72949

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

"Beer-drinking man with gun arrested"

Let me sum up the article for you:
Deputies were called to a residence in Key Largo because a man with a rifle and a handgun and a beer, had threatened construction workers in front of his house. 

I've noticed something. 
There is common thread to a lot of crime in the Keys.
BEER.  
People really like their BEER here. Take this frustrated homeowner--he just wanted to have a beer in silence. Do you think he could just drink his damn beer in some peace and quiet? NO. The rifle didn't scare off the noisy construction workers. Still too much racket to drink his BEER. The handgun sticking out of his waistband didn't stop the commotion. Think of the risk this poor BEER drinking man took--the loaded gun might have gone off while still in his pants. Then he wouldn't be able to drink his BEER (theoretically, I guess you could still drink a BEER without a penis--but I think that you must have a penis to have a BEER and a gun).

30212917.jpg (355×450)



http://keysnews.com/node/73681
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/thumblarge_3021/30212917.jpg



Saturday, February 20, 2016

Man arrested in Florida after taking backhoe for joyride






il_214x170.664819734_ijg0.jpg (214×170)

Carl Blahnik would like to thank everyone that attended his backhoe party on the seven mile bridge. It was a rip roaring shindig... $30,000 extravaganza!

A special plug for his fellow Wisconsin residents and also those who made the trip from his current neighborhood, "a wooded area near Coco Plum Beach."

 Sheriff Rick Ramsay attended. He was quoted saying...." Blahnik's skill at making tight turns and working the backhoe's scoop to rip up road reflectors over three miles of the bridge was quite impressive." 

Thank you also to tax payers for providing funding for Carl's..." year in prison and a year on parole after his 2012 arrest for felony battery in Lake County, Ill."

And also for future funding of his charges:
- vehicle theft
-reckless driving
- fleeing from law officers
- aggravated assault
 - littering and damaging U.S. 1.
- driving on a suspended license
- driving an unregistered vehicle and not having proper lights for night driving
- possession of undersized, out of season, pinched, lobsters...... (jk)



http://www.keysnet.com/2016/02/20/507141_dot-backhoe-boy-caused-30000-in.html?rh=1
http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2016/02/16/Man-arrested-in-Florida-after-taking-backhoe-for-joyride/4961455652662/

Here's the video!
https://www.facebook.com/floridakeyssheriff/videos/vb.212276136815/10153251443446816/?type=2&theater

Sunday, February 7, 2016

"Man accidentally locks himself in car trunk and is rescued by deputy, who then tickets him for pot possession"


random happy man that is not locked in his trunk

The news story goes like this:
- 9:30 pm, Marathon police respond to a call reporting a suspicious car left in the beach parking lot after hours
- The police officer found the 1997 Lincoln with the glove box and all four doors open and heard knocking coming from the trunk. The officer ordered the man out. The man responded that he was locked inside the trunk. The policeman opened the trunk and let him out.
- The police officer found marijuana in the open glove box
- When asked how the man got locked inside the trunk he told police, "he had gone for a walk on the beach and when he returned to the car, he couldn't find his keys. While he was looking, he fell into the trunk and it closed, locking him in".    

Wow -  this really got me thinking. What if:
   a. I had smoked a lot of pot and...
   b. I decide to crawl around my trunk looking for keys and...
   c.  the trunk should  mysteriously close over my entire body (latching easily with no slamming) locking me in with no recourse...
What would I do?

Here are the facts... (based on Wiki how...these people really know).

Be sure that you are not too high to know what year your car is made so that you can:
1. "Pull the trunk release. All American cars made after 2002 are required to have a trunk release inside the trunk, thanks to a national law...so find the release and pull it down or up, as the model may require. It will usually be a glow-in-the-dark handle located near the trunk latch, but it may also be a cord, button, or toggle switch, or a handle that does not glow in the dark"

Don't smoke so much pot that you can't:
2. "Escape through the backseat -- Some cars have back seats that fold down to allow access to the trunk. Generally the release for these seats is located inside the car, but there may be one in the trunk as well. If not, try to push, kick, or pry the seats down, and then climb out."

Go easy on that last joint so that you can:
3."Use the car jack to pop up the trunk lid. Many cars have a jack and a few tools in the trunk along with the spare tire. Sometimes they are underneath the carpet in the trunk, or on the side of the trunk. If you can get to the jack, set it up and crank the jack up under the trunk lid and attempt to keep pumping the jack up until the trunk lid pops open."

Last... but not least... is a reminder to:
Don't smoke so much pot that you fall into your damn trunk.

A very good note to self my friends. 

Sunday, January 17, 2016

"FBI releases photographs of Key West bank robber"

 Update:

Local Key West authorities have turned to the FBI for help in the apprehension of the bank robber who escaped all possibility of capture..... when he sped away... on his bicycle.  The police cars were no match for this bicycle get-a-way on the 2X4 mile ISLAND.  The criminal must have fled over the ONE bridge off the island. I mean... he is probably almost to Big Pine Key by now (depending on the wind resistance on his BICYCLE).

The FBI is asking the local community for help...like they are too busy or something.



20150928_Tricycle_Oberholtzer_0.jpg (3264×2448)
possible likeness to get-a-way vehicle...


http://www.local10.com/news/fbi-searching-for-key-west-bank-robber

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

This just IN.. bank robber in Key West! How will he get-a-way?

key-west-bank-robber-1.jpg (625×352)


Gosh--I hope that they can catch him...


For the full story...
https://cbsmiami.files.wordpress.com/2016/01/key-west-bank-robber-1.jpg