Friday, July 14, 2017
The soon to be former Monroe County Medical Examiner got an "unfavorable rating" on a reappointment questionnaire. Here are some of the complaints:
- indigent people are being butchered making it difficult for embalming (sad and gross)
- family members are excluded from identifying bodies (So, with no ID...who is getting buried? See post from March 31, 2015, maybe no-one cares.)
- co-mingling personal and private funds-- apparently, we, the taxpayers, have a stake in his personal residence (I can only hope that the hordes of pissed-off-dead-homeless are visiting him nightly.)
- yelling and screaming in fits of rage and anger (he's cranky from lack of sleep)
- public complaints that bodies were being transported in the open bed of a pickup truck (see post from June 4, 2015).
- The dead-body-pickup-truck was seen stopping at a restaurant DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW. (I'll have a couple deep sea sliders and some coffin nails.)
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Pinched in their prime --so many lost souls.
Nothing gripes my bottom like a poacher pincher. This father and son outing ended poorly.
- 586 first-degree misdemeanor counts - possession of out-of-seasonn lobster and wrung tails
- 2 third degree felony counts - possession of more than 100 undersized lobsters
- 14 second degree misdemeanor counts - possession of speared lobster out-of-season, stone crab, undersized stone crab and reef fish not landed in whole condition
- unscheduled outing to the Monroe County Detention Center
I can just imagine the phone call to the mother after the arrest. Probably something like:
Son: "Hi Mom."
Mom: "Hi Honey, how's the Dad bonding fishing trip going?"
Son: "Not so good."
Mom: "What's wrong?"
Son: "Well...we're bonding alright. More like bail bonding."
Mom: "What are you talking about? What did you do? Where's your father?"
Son: "He's here. Uhhh, Dad...Mom wants to talk to you."
Muffled male voice that sounds something like,"Ahhhhh. I don't want to talk to her."
Son: "Here's Dad."
Dad: "Hi Sweetie."
Mom: "I don't think you should be sweetying me right now. What is going on? Where are you?"
Dad: "I'll explain everything when I get home, but right now I need you to move some cash out of our 401K to the regular checking account."
Mom: "What? Why?"
Dad: "We need to get out of jail. Apparently it's illegal to spear undersized, out-of-season, lobsters. It's also unfortunate that we decided to pinch their heads off while still on the boat--also against the law. I believe that some of them were berried."
Mom: "Lobsters? Berried? What does that mean?"
Mom: "My God. You beasts. How many lobsters did you kill?"
Dad: "Better sell some of the mutual funds too."