Thursday, December 3, 2015

Report: Man hid marijuana in buttocks

The report says that the officers found a plastic bag containing marijuana "hidden in the crack of his buttocks."

I think that is was presumptuous on the part of the arresting officer to assume that he was concealing this bag of marijuana. Maybe - that is just where he keeps it... hands free and moist.  He could possibly carry lots of stuff keys, money, or even his cell phone...not hiding... transporting!   

 Don't get me wrong... I'm all for arresting this guy...especially since he was listed as a "violent offender with special conditions."  Although, I am confused about what possible "special conditions"  a violent offender could have?  Does he dance the jig? It is possible with extra butt cargo, he might walk with a spring in his step.  Does he have a facial tic? Probably only when sitting. Can he have heightened sense of taste? Most likely not... especially if he smoked his recently toted marijuana. 

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That'll chafe for sure.

This just in... Hialeah Man Caught with Undersized Snapper

This Islamorada man was caught in possession of:

 - undersized Yellowtail Snapper
- undersized Mangrove Snapper
- undersized Schoolmaster Snapper

This guy went to jail. Unfair.'s the deal... these are undersized teenager Snappers. 

 You know who is really at fault here? The Snapper's parents.  They were probably like, "we wash our fins of these hooligans, they never listen, always want the easy way out...eating the worm dangling in front of them instead of searching for their own food like we taught them..."

Give a fish a worm... he can eat for a day. 
Teach a fish to catch his own worm... he doesn't end up in the cooler on the boat.

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Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Reverse commuting! Man steals boat in US.... caught in Cuba.

I'm a bit confused at how he got to Cuba from the Keys since the article states he was last seen heading "northeast."  Maybe he thought Cuba was Miami... they are kind of alike. 

But wait... did he pose for this picture before he stole the boat from the marina in the keys?  A follow up article states that no-one knows where he is from or if he has a criminal record.  Upon 4 seconds of Googling.............................................. Iowa and yes he does.    

This is the suspect in the boat at Murray Marine.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

"Man arrested in sailboat burglary"

At 4:00 in the morning, a burglar entered a sailboat owned and occupied by a 93 year old man.  The burglar started going through the belongings of the sailboat owner and refused to leave the boat. The owner went to neighbors to get help.

 When they returned they found the robber asleep on the couch with a gift bag on his head (very tricky... he can't see you so you can't see him...soooo tricky).

They were initially unable to wake him but eventually they got him up and the police transported him to Monroe County Detention Center on Stock Island. 

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Thursday, May 14, 2015

Monday, April 27, 2015

Feels creepier than a crime....

My friend just bought a house in KW... this came with the property...

Q. What the heck kind of scorpion needs to be killed with a MACHETE?
A. ...Very, very big one.

Notice the helpful "Emergency Room Experience Guide" attached to the note...