Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Can’t really blame her...

Carolyn D., affectionately known to her friends and family as "Sea Hag," had no previous arrests or criminal record. Now she is in jail for 30 years. She just wanted a beer. It's not fair.
photo courtesy of the Monroe County Sheriff's Office

One warm summer evening on Conch Key, Martin M. returned home from dinner, sat down on his front porch, and drank a cold Busch Lite beer.

Sea Hag saw her neighbor and walked around the side of the house to ask him, "Do you have a cold beer for me?"

Martin M. responded " I have absolutely nothing for you." This was a super big mistake on his part. He obviously had not partied with Sea Hag before or he would have known that to refuse Sea Hag a beer was like taunting the Incredible Hulk.


Before we jump to the conclusion of this story--let’s take a step back from the situation and ponder. What are some possible actions that she could have taken in her angered state?

  1. Yell swear words in a loud voice ...not lady like, however, in most cases very satisfying (especially when hand gesturing towards the crotch area).
  2. Maybe he was being truthful in saying he had “absolutely nothing” so he couldn't give her a cold beer when there was none to give... perhaps a complete misunderstanding... forgive and forget.
  3. Whip out her gun (gotta love a woman who takes her gun partying),  and shoot the greedy bastard 5 times....twice in the abdomen, twice in the back and then once in the wrist (she must have lost focus).

OK. Let’s analyze these possibilities:

  • Number one couldn't work because that is the way everyone in the world communicates today. (I have three sons and they have assured me that  “F U you F’ing F’er,” is a cordial greeting among friends).
  • Number two is unlikely, since men always have a source for more beer.
  • Number three is the only obvious solution to the problem.  She wanted the beer. She was dissed.  He had to go.

Yes-- the correct answer is number three! Good for you!

Sea Hag tussled with some neighbors, threw her gun in the water, then sat down ( presumably to drink her hard earned beer).  Hell yes Sea Hag.

Please click on links below if you think I'm making this up...

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