And I used to complain about raking leaves.

Key West Citizen reports.

KEY WEST ISSUES EMERGENCY ORDER HALTING EMERGENCIES

Until the life-flight helicopter(s) are back in service--NO MEDICAL EMERGENCIES ALLOWED.

Key West Citizen reports:

Who is buying re-cycled bicycle shrimp?

Kudos to the couple - they were able to make money on selling shrimp on FB after purchasing the shrimp from a random guy on a bicycle who probably bought his shrimp from a random guy on a skateboard.

I believe that I have discovered ground zero for the Norovirus.

Key West Citizen reports:

William Hackley makes a horrible decision

Every day in the Key West Citizen, we get the diary posts of William Hackley--a practicing attorney who lived in Key West  from 1829- 1855.

Here is today's post:

 So, $4 in 1855 is the equivalent to $100 in today's money. Even though he's getting three injection fittings for one price, it's just not worth it.

Let's hope he doesn't mix-up the attachments.

We're getting a NEW CORONER!

The soon to be former Monroe County Medical Examiner got an "unfavorable rating" on a reappointment questionnaire. Here are some of the complaints:

- indigent people are being butchered making it difficult for embalming (sad and gross)

-  family members are excluded from identifying bodies (So, with no ID...who is getting buried? See post from March 31, 2015, maybe no-one cares.)

- co-mingling personal and private funds-- apparently, we, the taxpayers, have a stake in his personal residence (I can only hope that the hordes of pissed-off-dead-homeless are visiting him nightly.)

- yelling and screaming in fits of rage and anger (he's cranky from lack of sleep)

- public complaints that bodies were being transported in the open bed of a pickup truck (see post from June 4, 2015).

- The dead-body-pickup-truck was seen stopping at a restaurant DRIVE-THROUGH WINDOW. (I'll have a couple deep sea sliders and some coffin nails.)

It's a brutal massacre

Pinched in their prime --so many lost souls.

Nothing gripes my bottom like a poacher pincher.  This father and son outing ended poorly.

- 586 first-degree misdemeanor counts - possession of out-of-seasonn lobster and wrung tails
- 2 third degree felony counts - possession of more than 100 undersized lobsters
- 14 second degree misdemeanor counts - possession of speared lobster out-of-season, stone crab, undersized stone crab and reef fish not landed in whole condition
-  unscheduled outing to the Monroe County Detention Center

I can just imagine the phone call to the mother after the arrest. Probably something like:

Son: "Hi Mom."

Mom: "Hi Honey, how's the Dad bonding fishing trip going?"

Son: "Not so good."

Mom: "What's wrong?"

Son: "Well...we're bonding alright. More like bail bonding."

Mom: "What are you talking about? What did you do? Where's your father?"

Son:  "He's here. Uhhh, Dad...Mom wants to talk to you."

Muffled male voice that sounds something like,"Ahhhhh. I don't want to talk to her."

Son: "Here's Dad."

Silence

Dad: "Hi Sweetie."

Mom: "I don't think you should be sweetying me right now. What is going on? Where are you?"

Dad:  "I'll explain everything when I get home, but right now I need you to move some cash out of our 401K to the regular checking account."

Mom: "What? Why?"

Dad: "We need to get out of jail. Apparently it's illegal to spear undersized, out-of-season, lobsters. It's also unfortunate that we decided to pinch their heads off while still on the boat--also against the law. I believe that some of them were berried."

Mom: "Lobsters? Berried? What does that mean?"

Dad: "Pregnant"

Mom: "My God. You beasts. How many lobsters did you kill?"

Silence

Dad: "Better sell some of the mutual funds too."



https://keysnews.com/article/story/men-pinched-for-poaching-lobsters/
http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/community/florida-keys/article160542454.html

No one likes a "grabby" EX girlfriend

The report says that the alleged "grabber" was not on the scene when the police arrived at the outdoor public restroom in Key West at 7 AM. The victim filmed the altercation with his cell phone - but didn't get actual grabbing footage.

I mean - without that footage - how are we going to know what the grabbers hand looked like? He said that he experienced immediate pain and discomfort. I'm imagining the worst.

What if her hand looked like this?

OR THIS

IT'S KEY WEST - IT'S PROBABLY THIS:



It must have been so horrifying.



This article was posted in the Key West Citizen!